Alex Dumas 0:03

a lot of it, like I said, was about pushing people away, about masking my own pain, about not dealing with, you know, bullies or, or different challenges head-on. I was trying to get away. And you know, it's funny, Caroline, 'cause every time I went away from a problem, a new one just kind of appeared out of nowhere. And every time there's been a problem, I've kind of always been there. I was like, dang it, like, how did I wind up in this problem room again?

Speaker 0:26

This is the Your Next success podcast, and I am your host, Dr. Caroline Sangal. I am a Life first career coach and strategist on a mission to normalize questioning your career. We explore how to build a career that truly fuels your life, and you will hear stories from people who have navigated big career transitions themselves. So you can create a life, first career and become your own version of authentic success, one that is aligned, meaningful, and truly yours.

Speaker 2 1:01

Alex Dumas is a keynote speaker, emcee, and author who helps leaders find the confidence to perform when the pressure is highest. Before he stepped onto the stage, he invested years in caregiving, sales, learning how people hold themselves together under pressure. He is also the author of Win From Within, a book on leading from inner stability. In this conversation, you'll hear how Alex's journey through reinvention, belonging, and self-discovery led him to redefine success, find where he truly belongs, and build a life rooted in being fully himself

Caroline Sangal 1:39

Alex Dumas, welcome to Your Next Success. I'm so excited to be talking with you today

Alex Dumas 1:44

No, not as excited as I am to speak with you, Caroline. Let's go. Yeah.

Caroline Sangal 1:49

Let's go. Okay, so, we are gonna get to all the amazing work that you do today. We'll get to that, you know, including the, you know, world-renowned author, amazing speaker, emcee, fabulous,

Alex Dumas 2:04

Keep going, so

Caroline Sangal 2:04

person.

Alex Dumas 2:05

me stop you.

Caroline Sangal 2:06

We're gonna get to all that. Coach, amazing mentor to many, friends to even more. So we'll get to that. I love dialing it way, way back. So can you help us understand where were you born? What was life like for the very youngest little Alex?

Alex Dumas 2:24

Oh gosh, yeah, if we're gonna take it all the way back. So I was born in this wacky place called Brooklyn, New York, so whoop, whoop, Brooklyn in the house, as they say. But I got the Long Island experience. My parents moved to the suburbs when I was about four years old. I'm the youngest of four, to be exact, so I like to say that my parents saved the best for last, which is true.

Caroline Sangal 2:47

Same.

Alex Dumas 2:48

but,

Caroline Sangal 2:48

They didn't need to have any more kids after me

Alex Dumas 2:51

They were just like, you know, they were like, "You know what? This is as good as a guess." Like, "I think we got it." Like, we, we, we at three already, right? My sister, my older brothers. They're like, "This one right here, this is David in the s- in the statue." They just, they sculpted and found me. But, um, no, all jokes aside. Growing up in my household is wild. If anybody who's watching, if you know about Haitian people from, from the West Indies, we are an, an interesting breed of folk. We are very blunt and direct and loud. Party hard. We celebrate and, and we also have our own challenges, you know, as, as anybody out there does. Growing up I always felt kind of, in between with things because, I'm the youngest of four, but the closest sibling in age to me was six years apart. So I'm going to middle school, they're in high school. All right, I'm in high school, they're in college. I'm in college, they're out of the house. So I'm always kind of, like, just out of step, you know what I mean? Just, like, out of sequence with them. And at school I was, kind of... Hard to imagine, I wasn't the class clown, right? I was, was a goofball, always disrupting class. So for my own purposes, right? I loved an audience, so I gotta get the next laugh, right? It's chasing the next high. Gotta get that next laugh, the next laugh. And that really was my way of kind of keeping people at arm's length, 'cause I was really insecure as a kid, not very confident in myself. Like I mentioned, of just kind of feeling out of place, not really sure where I belong. And the things I found to entertain myself were, were music, writing a r- a lot, loved the wrestling. Like watching, like, you know, W- back in the days, right? Back in my day it was WWF, not WWE. So I was watching all these things on the weekends, mimicking moves with my brothers and my cousins, and just, you know, just being, being a kid. And I loved football, loved sports, and that's kind of where I started to develop, like, that identity for myself. Like, oh, I love competition. I love combat. I love contact and tackling people. And you know, football was the, the thing that kind of brought me back to life, because I was just, I'm just drifting along, not really having a purpose. And with that love of football, I, I retired at the, at the ripe age of 15, Caroline, because I decided, you know what, I'd rather do drugs than do sports. So sorry to all the D.A.R.E. parents out there, it didn't work for me. Hopefully it works for your youngin', but it did not work for me. I made my own choices, but that's part of, you know, low self-esteem, trying to fit in with a crowd, trying to be something you're not, and that created a lot of y- years of misery, of mistrust with people, of just being, just being a knucklehead for a, for lack of a better word, and figured out my way out.

Caroline Sangal 5:43

Firstly, thank you for, for sharing all of that. I'm a firm believer that, everybody's got different journeys, different things that, that happen. Some to them, some for them. But I know you're an amazing, remarkable human. And so however your story is, it is. It... That's, that's part of, of what's made you who you are. And thank you for, you know, for having this be a safe enough space to, to just share. I, I want people to be authentic, and no one's journey has been linear, stellar, every step amazing. There's, there's highlights and there's things that we wish we could do differently

Alex Dumas 6:21

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 6:21

Curious, what did your parents do for work?

Alex Dumas 6:25

They're both in the, the medical field, so my mo- mother was a nurse. My father worked, for a hospital in the, the nuclear medicine department.

Caroline Sangal 6:32

Oh,

Alex Dumas 6:32

they're, you know, pretty smart, and education for anybody who's got West Indian folks, it's the pretty much the same playbook of, like, you go to school, you get your good grades, you graduate, you get a job, you get married, and you die, and then rinse and repeat.

Caroline Sangal 6:48

Sometimes you have kids in between there.

Alex Dumas 6:50

So somewhere in there you have k- you, you have kids, you get, like, a, you, you, you get one of the pocket phones, right? You get a... You start wearing, like, goofy clothes. You wear the white New Balances and all, like... Anyway, that.

Caroline Sangal 7:04

Was the

Alex Dumas 7:05

But they emphasized education a lot. They were really big into that, and they both immigrated to the States from Haiti. My mom in the late '60s. My father, got here in the early '70s. They met, married, kids. That's the story

Caroline Sangal 7:20

And when you were really little, what did you think that, success meant? Or what did you think it would be like to be a successfu- were, was that on your radar, or were you too busy attention and being the clown, you

Alex Dumas 7:33

Yeah, I think the attention for me was like the laugh-o-meter, right? Like, the more laughs I get, the crazier I would act, and it would just charge up. And it was funny because, you know, I was third grade, and I got a progress report home. So, you know, the teacher writes, you know, "Doing well, progressing," or maybe needs some more help struggling, whatever. And it was a good report card. At this time I was a good student. I wasn't always a great student. I was too busy talking to be listening or paying attention or writing notes. But, I remember the teacher writing, "Alex is really good. He's a great student. He's doing really well. But he's disturbing the class a lot. He's, he's talking a bit." And my mom, like, I knew she meant this, like, as a jest, like, you know, 'cause that's how we are, we, like, rib at each other. She's like, "Oh, you talk?" I was like, "Oh," like... But I, I shared it because at home I was really quiet. I was really to myself. I, I would describe it as really cold, because I just, I don't know, I didn't like feeling smothered. I liked my own freedom. I liked just to, to do what I wanted to do. And, you know, my parents, love them, God bless them, but, like, this is the way it is. This is what we say. This is what you're doing. There's no other, there's no other question.

Caroline Sangal 8:46

structure, little, I don't know if strict is the right word, but definitely disciplined and,

Alex Dumas 8:52

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 8:53

maybe you just weren't gonna bother questioning 'cause you learned it just isn't gonna be helpful

Alex Dumas 8:57

Yeah, you go to church on Sundays, you do your chores, you go to school. If you have some free time, you play a little bit, but that's it. You do, you do your part

Caroline Sangal 9:10

And so from your young mind, you're like, "Okay, I guess success would mean getting married, having a family, and everybody just falling in line, and, and we'll be, we'll be good then,"

Alex Dumas 9:20

I mean, that's the thing you do, right? It's what I see my uncles, you know, other cousins, like, you know, just you follow the assembly line

Caroline Sangal 9:27

And so at some point you're like, ah, you find football, and that's kind of a fun, reprieve for a while.

Alex Dumas 9:33

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 9:34

and then those teenage years hit and you're looking to belong. Next thing you know, you start making friends who aren't friends or what...

Alex Dumas 9:43

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 9:44

about that. Like, did, how did that go down? Because, you know, it's, it seems like sometimes it's just like one little, one little, one little decision, and next thing you know, what happened? You know?

Alex Dumas 9:54

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 9:55

it's like, "Oh, it was one decision. It was one time, one thing."

Alex Dumas 9:58

Yeah, I mean, it's a buildup of, like, all these years, right? Of, like, a young age really my mind was set like, oh, I, I don't fit anywhere. I don't belong, right? That's the story that I carried as really starting as, like, old as six. Like, "Hey, I don't really belong anywhere. I don't really fit in." And carrying that for years and years and years and then, ooh, this makes me feel kinda better. I feel kinda good here. I get to, like, escape for a while. I wanna, you know what, stay escaped. Like, you say, like, y- you're, you wanna belong. Well, I was being lost, and I liked it. And I wasn't trying to be found. And yeah, it, it started off as just, like, you know, curiosity, right? I love this quote from, from Alice in Chains, right? The late singer Layne, Layne Staley. You know, he wrote, "I used to be curious, but now it's, you know, sheer sustenance," right? And he's, he was really open about his, his drug use and all that. And I always latched onto that a lot 'cause, like, yeah, that's kind of how it started. People are like, "Oh, yeah, that's the gateway." No, it's not. Yes, it is. 'Cause

Caroline Sangal 10:58

Yeah,

Alex Dumas 10:59

my gateway led me into, like, all right, I gotta... I wanna do this every day. I wanna get high every day, right? And then that's where I really learned about, like, that power of, like, intention, right? Of how it can work for you and how it works against you. When you're addicted to something, when you have a substance dependency, it doesn't matter what happens, right? Rain, snow, or shine, I gotta get that next thing. I don't have any money. Well, somebody else has money. I can go take it from them. That's a great idea. Let's do that. All right, there's lockers here. There's stuff in... You know, th- you

Caroline Sangal 11:30

啊。

Alex Dumas 11:30

school, right? There's, there's, My routine would be, all right, where there's athletes, they would throw all their bags, like, in, like, this main area. I'll just go through the bag, get what I want, and leave. And that was a very simple system. I, I was really smart at, all right, there's the system here. I make sure I plant my lieutenants around to look out for me. We split, and we go on with our day. And that was just kind of the routine for years. But a lot of it, like I said, was about pushing people away, about masking my own pain, about not dealing with, you know, bullies or, or different challenges head-on. I was trying to get away. And you know, it's funny, Caroline, 'cause every time I went away from a problem, a new one just kind of appeared out of nowhere. And every time there's been a problem, I've kind of always been there. I was like, dang it, like, how did I wind up in this problem room again? Like well, maybe there's something to it. Maybe there's one common element. There's one denominator here that, that that's a cause. But you know, it took a while to figure that out.

Caroline Sangal 12:31

How did you start to figure that out? Or did your parents realize how... You know, 'cause if they're so busy working and doing all the right things, and as kids start to become teens and they don't ask for as much, it's just kinda easy to be like, I guess we're good. All right, you going to school?" "Yeah, I'm going to school." "Everything's good? You're good. Okay." But, like, when did they notice, or how did that happen?

Alex Dumas 12:56

All right, so we're talking about discipline, right? So when I was 15, this is actually right before the, the end of the, the playoff season for our high school team, and we had been, you know, a very good team, undefeated, kicking teams' butts by like 20, 30 points, all that kind of stuff. The week of our championship game, I actually wound up getting suspended from school 'cause I got caught smoking a cigarette in the bathroom, and my parents had to come pick me up. This is like early in the morning, like 9:00, 9:30, so they're not happy about this at all. And I remember, you know, we're in the principal's office. They take me out to the car, right? I'm suspended for, for two days, whatever, and my mom just goes to work on me. She's laying hands on me in the parking lot. This is the morning, right? This is, this is 9:00 AM in the morning. I remember like all the, the, the building, like it's glass, like, so all my friends are just seeing this, like, "Oh, no. So first day I'm back, dude's like, "Man." People got like, ice packs. They got bandages. Like they're, they're giving me the business like, "Yo, man, you all right? Like should we call somebody? Blink twice if you need help." I'm like, "Y'all, well played. Yep, yep, yep." But, y- but they never the thing with my family and my parents, they never really addressed it or never really confronted me about it. It was just like, "All right, you made a bad decision." That was it. But I think in a sense, like that was kind of like my cry for help to them like, "Hey, like see me. Like I'm struggling right now, but I don't know how to communicate that to you." All right, they don't care. I guess I don't care either, so now that was like the floodgates, like, all right, we're now full force. Let's, let's try everything and anything we can get our hands on, and that was the, the goal for the next few years.

Caroline Sangal 14:49

Wow. And then what happened? How long did that kind of, go on?

Alex Dumas 14:53

Uh, the, you know, through college. It really, ended, in 2006, which was a really amazing year for me because that was the year that I met this young lady in December of 2005, but then in January '06 we became official, like a real couple, and she was a real catalyst for getting me back on the right track

Caroline Sangal 15:14

Oh, okay, so but then in high school, how did you decide that you even wanted to go to college? I mean, was that a... Or was it just like that's a expectation, you gotta go to

Alex Dumas 15:25

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 15:25

I guess you're gonna go? But then what did you even choose to want to try to study?

Alex Dumas 15:30

Yeah, it was definitely just an expectation, like this is what we do. Like my brothers and my sister had gone to college, graduated, so there's no argument about it. So I started off in community college 'cause my grades were just, you know, crap. And you know, I did an associates there, then I graduated with a psychology degree, and part of that was looking to be a, a teacher at some point. I, earned several master's credits from this university which no longer exists on Long Island, so even if I wanted to try to like finish up, it, it doesn't exist anymore. But I was going for special education and elementary education as my major, and it was really through college that I wound up in the, the field of nonprofit management, working with special needs individuals. That was my really first real line of work for close to a decade of working with this population, opening group homes. Yeah

Caroline Sangal 16:27

H- how did that become on your radar?

Alex Dumas 16:31

I, psychology I think was the thing that I gravitated to 'cause I was trying to answer the question like, "What's wrong with me?"

Caroline Sangal 16:37

Hmm. But like,

Alex Dumas 16:39

yeah, because I'm thinking about logically, like on paper, everything is great. I mean, I've, I'm, I'm an able-bodied man. I'm, I, I've got a great family. There's no abuse. There's nothing crazy in our family. Like it's, I live a, I'm living a, a pretty much a regular middle s- you know, suburb life of, you know, barbecues on the weekend, pool here, and go to a friend's house, ride my bike, right? No real imminent dangers, no gunshots. There's no gang violence really around, and yet I'm miserable. I'm unhappy. Like something's not... The math isn't mathing. Like what's, what's the thing underneath all of this?

Caroline Sangal 17:18

So, so psychology became an interest, but then how did special ed or how did that become an interest?

Alex Dumas 17:25

Yeah, it really just came about through this job. So my, final year of college, I'm like, "Man, I gotta make some money. I gotta figure some things out." And I land a job with this organization that houses n- special needs individuals. So the unit that I was assigned to had 10 residents, but these are all gentlemen ranging from like 14 to like 27. You know, autism, cognitive impairment, cerebral palsy. and most of the time they had very challenging physical behaviors, so punching, biting, kicking, spitting. You name it, I've received all of it. And I think it was just like the first thing I fell into, but as challenging as it was, it was also exciting for me to like work with these individuals, help them with their daily living activities, trying to teach them things, you know, take them out into the community, help them with their finances and, and paying for things, and just getting to see them do more things independently, and I think that's what kind of drove me in kind of seeing myself through them because I always felt like an underdog or overlooked or underappreciated. So you have these people here who have been really discarded, right? You can physically see like the, the how different they are from other people, and it's like, you know, people like stare, gawk, look at them or like shy away Like, it's like you don't understand them. You know, I got to know these gentlemen. I got to be with them day in and day out through holidays. You know, some of them, their families aren't, aren't as involved and th- that, those were tough ones 'cause you, you can see that they know what's going on, right? This person's going away for the week and I'm here. Like, nobody cares about me, so I, I think I found some kinship with them in that regard.

Caroline Sangal 19:13

You saw the beauty of the person beneath any behaviors that they were displaying.

Alex Dumas 19:19

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 19:19

saw through the stuff that other people made them shy away or made them scared. You saw through that, and you're like, "No, no, no. I see, I see this beautiful person here,

Alex Dumas 19:29

yeah

Caroline Sangal 19:30

do what I can to help this person have a nice day,

Alex Dumas 19:33

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 19:34

and we can have a good time together. And I don't know, after they got to know you, did they have less behaviors, or they still ended

Alex Dumas 19:40

It gave me a great lens of, like, looking at, like, what it's like to set the scene,

Caroline Sangal 19:44

Hmm.

Alex Dumas 19:45

not to be perfect, but trying to make less variations of things, 'cause if I... something changes that, that throws somebody off. It, it, now it puts them in a mood, right? And it could be the simplest thing. Could be I didn't cut the corners of the sandwich, or I didn't lay out this, this particular outfit. They didn't like these, these colors, right? But you get to know that over time, and, and I think it became easier 'cause, like, you get to know, like, all right, these are, like, the trigger things. So I constantly, constantly aware of, like, all right, watching, observing. And even when stuff had to go down, they rip a shirt of mine, scratch me, punch me. All right, you gotta be a professional. You can't take it personal. It's like, okay you know, reset. You know, you're, you're here to service them as a- almost like a client, right? You, you're, you're, you're taking care of them. You're a caretaker of them. So if this was somebody in my family, would I want to treat them the way... Would I wanna treat them in a, in a different way? Like, no, I'm gonna be with them, and we have lots of fun, right? They, they... My guys would always make me laugh. We crack up. We just, we have a good time, especially the ones who are, I especially like the, the guys who are non-verbal 'cause, like, there's all these little ticks, all these little cues, these little things that they do, and it's the funniest things because, like, they start opening up and they'll have kind of like this twinkle in their eye about something, or when you know they're about, about to do something, like, you know, some of them are ahead on strict diets, so they can't eat, you know, all these sugary things.

Caroline Sangal 21:18

Yeah

Alex Dumas 21:18

I remember this one time, we usually, like, lock up stuff in the pantry so people don't food steal. I hate to say it like that, like, you keep the food away so they don't steal, but, like, it's for their diet and it's for, for, for their health. So one person forgot to lock this door, and I just remember, I, I didn't see him, but, like, I felt, like, the wind pass by me in the room. I just felt, like, somebody sprint. I was like, "What the heck?" And these are the things in, in these types of roles where if you suspect something, like, you better go follow up, like, ASAP. It's not one of those things you pass the buck, like, "Oh, well, I guess, eh, nothing's happened. It's just my imagination, doo, doo, doo, doo." It's like, no, I got to investigate. And I see, see my man in the, in the pantry, and he's gonna work on these cookies. I mean, he is And then, you know, you gotta, you gotta keep a straight face. I wanna die laughing off the top of my 'cause it's, it's the craziest look. Like, he's in there for two seconds, and he's like

Caroline Sangal 22:18

Yeah.

Alex Dumas 22:18

Lecter with cookie crumbs on his face. And, you know, it's like, "All right, come on," you know, redirecting him to go out this way. You know, use your, like, your communication device. Like, "I want cookies," or, "I want this," right? Like, point it out. So you get to turn those things the, into, teaching lessons, but you also have to remain in the moment of knowing you can't black out. Like, Hey, what, what is wrong with you? And now I've escalated something where I could have redirected and just been like, "Okay, we're gonna get out of here. Tell me what you want," and give them the opportunity to make that, the dignity of making that request and not feel like, "All right, you're wrong for taking. Y- you know, you know you did wrong. Like, you and I know you did wrong. Now let's make it right. Let's, let's regroup.

Caroline Sangal 23:08

Had to be great, like, pre-training for parenting.

Alex Dumas 23:12

Oh, geez.

Caroline Sangal 23:13

You know

Alex Dumas 23:13

Yeah, it

Caroline Sangal 23:14

Like, I feel like I didn't learn those I would be the one yelling that you did something wrong.

Alex Dumas 23:20

Ni.

Caroline Sangal 23:20

kid would only have had their, they wanted cookies or they wanted whatever the thing. And it was just like, man,

Alex Dumas 23:27

Well,

Caroline Sangal 23:28

only, if

Alex Dumas 23:29

if

Caroline Sangal 23:29

in a group home, then perhaps I may have gotten, you know, better skills.

Alex Dumas 23:33

Well,

Caroline Sangal 23:34

yeah

Alex Dumas 23:34

But you, you grow to fall in love with the people. The families were really supportive. They're always grateful for the work that we did, 'cause it, it is tough work. So anybody who's in that direct support professional role, anyone who's a caretaker, my heart goes out to you. If you're a teacher, I- I'm, I'm, I'm team you because it is not, it's not easy

Caroline Sangal 23:57

So at one point of time you meet this beautiful young lady is that who became your wife or just a random beautiful pretty

Alex Dumas 24:04

Yeah. Boot that thing up.

Caroline Sangal 24:06

and so she, inspires you

Alex Dumas 24:10

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 24:12

be a better person, or you just decide you wanna be a better person to be that person for her. But how'd y'all meet?

Alex Dumas 24:20

Oh gosh. So have you ever heard of this thing called MySpace?

Caroline Sangal 24:25

Yeah,

Alex Dumas 24:26

at this point, this is, December 2005. It's my last year in college, and as I said, on paper things are going well. I've got a job, I've got a car, I'm getting set to graduate in the spring, but I'm also a mess. I'm, I'm still using drugs. I'm an addict. I'm just depressed. I'm in my world, I'm just in the cyber world. So this is like the, the bloom of YouTube and, and chat rooms and all this stuff. So I'm just spending my days like trying to be a Mac Daddy on- online. That's the best way I could put it, and I come across this young lady's, profile who's friends with another friend of mine, and I did what most suburban hood boys do. I went straight to the DM, right? Not even, you know, no etiquette at all, and I just typed her three words. I said, "What up? Nice pics." Not even what's up, 'cause I'm from New York, right? We had to condense it. What up, like W-A-D-D-U-P. What up? Nice pics. And somehow she responds back and she's like... We start, we exchange AOL buddy information. I know this is like the corniest thing in the world. And she actually lived, like the next town over from me. Like, she's like less than 10 miles away,

Caroline Sangal 25:42

Oh,

Alex Dumas 25:43

and she reaches out to me one night. She's like, "Hey, I'm bored. Wanna take me out?" I'm like, "All right. Sure. Whatever." And like we go, we see King Kong, the movie, like with Jack Black and that was our first date, and we hung out some more. And then in January I was like, "All right, I guess, you know, it's us now."

Caroline Sangal 25:59

That's

Alex Dumas 25:59

We had hung out. I walked her to her door. So I walk her to the door, and I think we both kind of sensed like something different was about this, about this night. 'Cause like I, first of all, I never did that. We had spoke, we had literally sat in my car for like four hours just talking. Just

Caroline Sangal 26:16

that's awesome

Alex Dumas 26:17

talking. And then I made my move. I, I stepped on her foot and I smooched her. So Sarah always joke like, "You never actually officially asked me out." I was like, "Yeah, I just took you. I'm a caveman." Like, you, me, woman now. Me step on foot, and it's been us, it's been us ever since

Caroline Sangal 26:39

she has a lot of grace, right? To, to, like, to answer the what up and to see past the you stepped on her foot.

Alex Dumas 26:47

Yeah.

Caroline Sangal 26:47

yet, hey, it's 20 years later,

Alex Dumas 26:49

It was an accident.

Caroline Sangal 26:51

my cat does that when she thinks she doesn't want me to move away. Like, she steps or puts her paw on my, on my foot like I can't move.

Alex Dumas 26:58

You're here forever, right?

Caroline Sangal 27:00

Exactly.

Alex Dumas 27:02

can't leave me

Caroline Sangal 27:03

Ah. So now how did that progress then? Then you, then you graduate college and, and

Alex Dumas 27:09

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 27:10

Now you have this, you know, beautiful lady that you wanna spend the rest of your life with. at what point did you know?

Alex Dumas 27:16

she tells me like, "Yeah, I pretty much knew like within the first month, like yeah, I think I might be with this guy for a while."

Caroline Sangal 27:21

Ah.

Alex Dumas 27:22

you know, us guys, we're like, "What? Whatever. That's, that's cool, whatever." But, so yeah, that's in '06. '07 we wound up moving in together and gosh, those stories, those, those first apartments were like, oh man, just two young kids, not in... Anyway, that's a whole nother story of like not... Anybody who's move- ever moving out of your parents' house, make sure you look really thoroughly where you're moving into. Just open the kitchen cabinets, just, I'm gonna just put it that way.

Caroline 27:58

Imagine what your life would be like if your career aligned with who you are, what you do best, and actually fueled the life you want. At Next Success, we support all ages and stages through career transitions from students exploring majors or careers to job seekers actively searching or re-imagining their next move to professionals committed to self-awareness and leadership growth. Stay connected and explore what's possible at nextsuccesscareers.com and follow @nextsuccessmethod on LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook.

Caroline Sangal 28:35

Was the rent affordable?

Alex Dumas 28:37

We're living in the basement of someone's house, right? That's how we, we do in New York, and we have these wonderful little bugs with us that we just missed or we didn't open. Like, you know what I mean? We didn't do the, the thorough research. But, yeah, I, I proposed to her in d- in December of '07, and then we set the, the wedding for our anniversary day, January 9th in 2010. So we got together on the, on '06, married on the same day. So fellows out there, if you, if you're thinking about marrying your lady, see how you can leverage one day. I'm just... I'm not the smartest in the room, but, like, there's, there's a couple of moves that I made and like, bro, Einstein has got nothing on me

Caroline Sangal 29:20

have to remember but one day. That's pretty good.

Alex Dumas 29:24

After college I was going, I was pursuing my master's, so I was still in school for the next year and, and a half working at different special needs providers. And, and that was what the work was for a while. And then I, I switched into disaster recovery. In New York we had this storm called Sandy, Superstorm Sandy. So I was part of that rebuilding effort of helping out homeowners, and I wound up getting laid off from that. And, and this is kinda tying back into this, the, the creation of me as who I am now in front of you, right? Speaker, emcee, all this kinda stuff. 'Cause, 2015 was what I would describe as like the year from hell,

Caroline Sangal 30:08

嗯

Alex Dumas 30:10

Again, gave you like a, a spoiler alert already that I got fired that year, but we wanna rewind time before that. That was in July I got laid off. In April that year, my, my son was born on a Wednesday. So yay, hey, woo-hoo, I achieved the dream of two kids, a wife, Long Island, dogs. Like, life is good. I, I got the stamp. Three days after I get, I wake up to a, a voicemail from my dad, you know, after midnight. Usually there's no good messages after midnight. There's no good phone calls after midnight. And he lets me know that my mom had passed during the night. I was like, "Ugh, ouch." It wasn't unexpected, it wasn't a sudden thing. She, her health had rapidly declined like six months prior where she fell and broke her leg. She fell again, broke her hip, had strokes. I mean, it was just like a crazy six months of just decline

Caroline Sangal 31:05

Yeah

Alex Dumas 31:06

So now coming back to July 2015, right? Grieving son, unem- unemployed, exhausted, emotionally unavailable for my wife and my rising kindergartner daughter, and I'm trying to build a business at this time.

Caroline Sangal 31:20

How did you decide wh- when, where did that "I want to build a business" even come from?

Alex Dumas 31:26

So we rewind time again. Right? October of 2014 was a, was a crazy month between my mom having her fall and my wife and I learning that we were gonna have our baby boy. And fear is a great motivator. I'm like, "I gotta do something. I gotta make some more money. I'm working my full-time job, but I got an extra mouth to feed in a few months, so what can I do? What can I do? What can I do? Hey, there's this opportunity my cousin shared with me, like, a couple months before that. All right, let me go take a look at it. Let me see if it's for me." It was about... It was, financial services in the insurance realm. Training agents, booking people, recruiting, all that kind of stuff, and I didn't listen to my spidey sense. I don't think it's really gonna be for me. But fear being the driver, right, I just gotta do it. I just gotta go all in and then, b- b- yeah. And I was doing all right, but all of these circumstances, I was just emotionally spent, and there was no time off, right? There was no, time to lick my wounds. It's like the show goes on. You got a newborn, you got a kid, you have... Your wife is recovering. Like, time to get on the field. There's no, there's no time. And God gave me time 'cause that, that crashed and burned, but it wound up being the best thing for me because the year after, 2016 now for you who are following along, I tuck my tail and go back to corporate. But that job introduced me to this line of work of speaking, of coaching, of personal development, because that was their target market as a payment processor. So I got to go to conferences, I got to survey websites all day, c- talk to these people, prospect them, re- react, respond to inbound leads. And, you know, just going to these conferences, I'm like, "This is what I wanna do." Right? Seeing people Sell from the stage. People are making more in a, in a weekend than I'm making in a year. I'm like, "I got... Can't... What the... Figure out how to do... What... How they do that." And-

Caroline Sangal 33:28

up at the conference as a vendor

Alex Dumas 33:30

Yeah.

Caroline Sangal 33:30

of... Like, you're working a booth offering a

Alex Dumas 33:32

Yeah, I'll

Caroline Sangal 33:33

don't even like that you're doing 'cause you have to have mouths to feed, and you're trying to be an adult, but yet you see other side of the table, all these other, the coaches and all of that as the...

Alex Dumas 33:44

yeah.

Caroline Sangal 33:45

it's happening for you,

Alex Dumas 33:46

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 33:47

to you, but you just didn't know how that puzzle piece was fitting in at that

Alex Dumas 33:52

I mean, it, it was, it happened the way it was meant to happen, and I was just, like, fascinated. I'm like, "Man, I gotta learn about this stuff." And, and I shared that. That's 2016. It's not really until 2022 where I get on the field, so to speak, and, and emcee an event and speak for the first time in front of, like, live people. And whatever that thing was, that spark I had as, as a youth when football showed up in life, like, that thing came roaring back. I'm like, "This is what I'm... I know I can do this." And I think that's, like, one of the first real experiences I had of, of feeling like, kind of uncaged, unleashed, but, like, really sure of myself. Like, I can do this. This is easy. I know how to be with people, move, mobilize a room, and keep things going. So I'm like, "I gotta learn how to do this." And it's been a pursuit ever since, whether it's been joining Toastmasters or National Speakers Association Carolina chapter, or Talk It Out Community, o- just being in the mix of leaders like yourself who, who, who I always take something from, right? I'm like, "Oh, I like how they did this. I like how they said that. All right, how do I incorporate that into what I do, or is there room for that? Is there a space for that?"

Caroline Sangal 35:07

So when did you go from corporate Alex to going all in on, independent business solopreneur Alex?

Alex Dumas 35:18

Yeah, that came about I would say probably... Was it 2020? Yeah, I think 2020. I was, still working a corporate job, and we had obviously had to switch to remote, and I was working for a coach. Actually, let me just tie this all in together. So the first conference that I ever went to on behalf of that sales job, it was for this coach who lives out in North Carolina, and they were our biggest vendor, so, you know, you represented on, for the company's behalf, and they were the person who, who was making this offer, this five-figure offer for a year-long program. Like, wow, gee golly, this is so cool. And then I wound up working for her company a couple years later, so it...

Caroline Sangal 36:03

Wow

Alex Dumas 36:03

Their business model were live events, so fall event, spring event, 300, 400, 500 people, you name it. You pack them in the room, sell courses, and, and keep it moving. We went to this virtual option, you know, because of, of COVID, and I rec- I realized, like, I don't think I can do this. Like, I had my kids with me at the time. They're, they're, five and three.

Caroline Sangal 36:29

う ん。 All

Alex Dumas 36:35

And nine? Yeah. Oh my God, I can't even do math right now. But yeah

Caroline Sangal 36:40

right

Alex Dumas 36:42

So doing that, I'm like, I'm ignoring them all day because I got to be glued to the computer. Like, I'm feel like I'm wearing like Depends, like I can't pee. I got to be here, be the, you know, be the emcee and, and, and direct people to different rooms. And that was kind of that fir- that, that real confirmation that this is not going to work, right? Because who knows when these kids are going back to school. I'm also trying to homeschool them at the same time.

Caroline Sangal 37:06

Yeah

Alex Dumas 37:07

That's why I say with teachers, whatever they need, get them five figures, get them six figures, get them seven. Like, they've earned every penny because I love my babies, and I was ready to throw them to the wolves. I can't imagine having...

Caroline Sangal 37:22

You had already developed special skills

Alex Dumas 37:24

Yeah,

Caroline Sangal 37:24

with those guys

Alex Dumas 37:25

but I can't imagine 20, of 20, 25 rugrats who are not my own. Like, Lord, give me strength, serenity now because these children are gonna drive me crazy. So yeah, that was the end of it

Caroline Sangal 37:42

own thing before you left your stable thing, or you, did you go all in? Like, what ha- like, where was

Alex Dumas 37:47

Oh gosh

Caroline Sangal 37:49

corporate, "That's it!" Was it by choice or by force?

Alex Dumas 37:54

Yeah, that, that was it. It was by choice because it just, it didn't make sense for me to do this anymore of going to this place I did not particularly enjoy to do work that I wasn't really thrilled about. And, you know, a couple years before that was where I, I s- started doing more coaching, like in 2018, podcasting, and I thought, "Hey, let me just... L- let's go. Let's just, let's give it a go. Let's give it a honest go, and let's see what happens."

Caroline Sangal 38:24

Wow. That's

Alex Dumas 38:26

Crazy talk, crazy people

Caroline Sangal 38:28

So how did you get involved, or how did you find out now wanting to... You know, you saw some of the speakers, and you mentioned

38:35

Toastmasters and of course National Speakers Association North Carolina Chapter which is how I met you

Caroline Sangal 38:40

did you even come across those sorts of places that help people be better speakers?

Alex Dumas 38:47

I knew about Toastmasters for a while, but I was never able to make it out to meetings back in New York. We moved to North Carolina in 2017, so I'd always wanted to join it, but, it just never worked out timing-wise. And then I found this group in downtown Raleigh, High Noon. So shout to High Noon Toastmasters, woop-woop, um, in 2022. But that actually came about from a virtual meetup where I met a couple of people who were in that club, and also met this guy, his name rhymes with Larry Long Jr., On LinkedIn. So Larry had, you know, mentioned... Had dropped the seed about NSA Carolinas. I didn't really know what National Speakers Association was about. So I think just from him planting that seed and then, you know, just being in the mix with other speakers, you know, growing, developing and, you know, getting more active on LinkedIn, starting to see that name here and there. And I don't remember what it was that made me, like, initially sign up. I think I was just like, "You know what? I think if I wanna go pro, I just gotta go where the pros are." And I, I'd even, like, I didn't even really know about NSA Carolinas. I didn't know... I didn't attend any meetings prior to that. I didn't go to any second Saturday meetings. I was just like, looked on the website, "Okay, I'm gonna just go and register." And that was in January 2024, and I didn't really do much with my membership probably the first eight or nine months. I attended a couple of virtual meetings, and maybe I went to one second Saturday. And then one day, I think it was last year in 2025, Larry asked me to, to cover for him one day. I'm like, "All right, yeah, sure, I'll cover you for you." And I told this at the, at the last one I just hosted for, for y'all, but I'll share with the audience now. You get to be in the room a little bit. So we have an annual banquet for NSA Carolinas every year in June. So last year, June 2025, we're having the banquet and everybody's celebrating, you know, all this stuff. I come back. My wife is like, "Where the hell were you?" I'm like, "What, what did I do?" "They were looking for you." Like, "Who? Who... Like, do I owe money?" Like, you know, like paranoid New York mind's going, "Oh man, they found me." Like, what... But she's like, "No, no, they said your name. They, they like, they shouted you out." I'm like, "For what?" And so Larry puts it back on the screen, like, "Shout to our area champion, Alex Dumas." I'm like, "I only helped you out once. Like, what are you talking about?" Like, this, this is... But my mind is saying like, "Oh, okay. Thank you, Hercules." Like...

Caroline Sangal 41:11

Yeah.

Alex Dumas 41:13

they, they pulled me in. They're like, "Hey, how'd you like to host these meetings for the next year for our chapter?" "All right, sure. Game on." And as we're recording, this I have completed my reign as the, the area champion and It, it goes to show, it goes, it proves, you know, what Larry is preaching, what I'll, I'll preach as well, as far as, you know, groups that you're a part of, associations, memberships. The more you actually put in, the more you actually get out of it,

Caroline Sangal 41:41

mmm

Alex Dumas 41:42

and I know it sounds corny, "Oh, is this so cliche?" But it's, I am just sharing from my experience. The more involved I was, people recognize my name, shout you out. You know, that's all good, and you also get, some of the other perks as far as, like, all right, when someone's looking for somebody, I'm kind of a name they drop first. Okay, that's kinda cool. I get to be the belle of the ball to a degree, and it's not like I did it for... it's just, I wanted to serve. I wanted a way to, to contribute. And when, when you come, when you lead from that space, then you get to win

Caroline Sangal 42:15

Yeah, it's been awesome. I mean, I joined, on New Year's Eve, I think, because I had interviewed somebody who's very involved in NSA in Ohio, Natalie Siston. She was also part of Positive Intelligence, PQ, Mental Fitness, Mental Resilience,

Alex Dumas 42:30

Oh

Caroline Sangal 42:31

brought into my method. And so I had seen her on some different webinars for that program. I invited her. I was like, "Hey, would you like to be on my podcast?" And of course my podcast was like... It's, it's been almost a year now, a, a little over a year now.

Alex Dumas 42:45

What?

Caroline Sangal 42:48

she said yes graciously. And then she was like, "Oh, wait. You're in, North Carolina. You should join NSA." And she said that, and I was like, "Okay. Oh, all right, but what is NSA," right? then she was traveling, in between Christmas and New Year's. They have a daughter that's getting ready to be college age. Her pr- her husband is a professor at Ohio State, so like, why do you need to take your kid on college tours? But okay, okay. So she takes her kid on college tours, and she's like, "I'm gonna be in North Carolina. Would you be able to meet up?" And I'm like, w- that,

Alex Dumas 43:22

Wow.

Caroline Sangal 43:23

level human right there.

Alex Dumas 43:24

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 43:25

your family on a trip, and you're gonna meet up with people that you know, that you've met virtually, and you're inviting them to come out and meet you and your family on, think it was New Year's Day, okay?

Alex Dumas 43:40

Dang

Caroline Sangal 43:44

and then I was like, "Well, dang. I can't go show up and meet Natalie and tell her I didn't join NSA." So I go to join on New Year's Eve because I'm starting my new year off right, and when she says, "Did you look into NSA?"

Alex Dumas 44:00

I can truthfully

Caroline Sangal 44:00

be like, "Yes. Yes, I did." And I go to meet up, and it's like I don't, I don't, I didn't ask. I just thought, "But, you know, she's done this for... I'm special," and she knows other people, too, right? So I show up at this meetup, and there's all kind of people,

Alex Dumas 44:16

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 44:17

Larry Long Jr. And I'm like... He's like, "Da, da, da, da," and I say, and I was like, "Oh my gosh, I just joined." He's like, "I just saw that last night." And I was like, "Oh, so now it's real." And then he tells me about, about Second Saturdays. But I I, you know, it's, this is the thing. You gotta listen when somebody tells you about a opportunity.

Alex Dumas 44:40

Yeah

Caroline Sangal 44:40

And Natalie was so amazing and inclusive and kind to then, you know, that led me to getting to know about Larry, and then he's inviting me to Second Saturday, and I'm like, "Well, of course I will." And then that was the first time, that I had met you. But you had made that just such a welcoming and inclusive environment. You took time to, like, get to know my name, right? 'Cause, like, it's Caroline but it's spelled Caroline. But, like, you, you, you made... It, it's, it's so It's just so simple what it takes for somebody to be feeling like they're seen or heard or valued, and I genuinely appreciate the experience that even from the, the first interaction, and then seeing you every month since. So if anybody's looking for a emcee or a speaker or you wanna have a author or y- or you're a coach that wants to know how to, how to win, you, Alex, are absolutely somebody that they... if they can't, if they can't hire you, you don't have the budget for Alex, come and see me. But they should hire you. So, yeah. Now, I've seen you've been, you've been doing lots of virtual presentations, some local emceeing, speaking. Like, do you have a favorite thing that you like to do? Coaching, emceeing, or speaking?

Alex Dumas 45:56

It, it varies on the day. I would say I probably love emceeing and event hosting most. I, I think that's the, that's the, the fun for me. I think that's where I get to bring the best of myself, because nothing's... Yes, there's a, a, a run of show, there's a game plan of, like, an idea of what we want. But would you know it that sometimes plans don't always go how they're supposed to go? Sometimes things get broken and defunct, and you have to think on the fly, and I think I enjoy that piece about it the most, about just, "All right, what can I come up with? What can I create?" Or, "How do I patch this up?" Or, like, it's like Tetris to me. I'm like, okay, I always know what to do, and I think that's what I enjoy about it is, like, you know, when you're speaking, when you're doing, like, a full-on presentation, I think of it as, like, I'm the cool uncle who gets to show up like, "Yeah, what's up everybody? High five. Yeah, I'm the cool guy. Say some words, pictures. All right, peace. I'm out."

Caroline Sangal 46:57

Yeah.

Alex Dumas 46:58

like, I'm dad. I'm in here from start to finish. I'm paying attention to the speakers, I'm paying attention to the timing, to the room, so just, making sure the AV's good, making sure that the attendees are, are feeling welcome. And I think that's what I really enjoyed about Second Saturdays, is about just getting to be the host. It's like, "Hey, welcome in. Who are you? You know, come sit here. Have you met this person?" Right? I just, it, it's an eas- it, it's, it's something I can do all day

Caroline Sangal 47:26

So now, well, how do people work with you? How do people find you?

Alex Dumas 47:30

So you can find me at LinkedIn mainly, right? Alex Dumas. Look at the face, hear the voice. If you connect with me, you will likely receive a voice message or a video message from me. So it's not AI, it's not a bot, this is the real deal. So you could either find me there or on my website, speakeralexdumas.com. And there are just plenty of ways to invite me to your next event or your next conference. So we definitely need to talk, friends

Caroline Sangal 47:58

Awesome. And now from this vantage point, how do you define authentic success for you?

Alex Dumas 48:06

Hmm, authentic success. You know, I'm gonna go, uh, tap into old Frankie Blue Eyes, right? And just, "Do you do it my way?" But you're a wave of grace, right? Of, of, you know, what has built me so far has been these different rooms I've, I've, I've managed to find my way in. Some I've recognized, like, all right, I need to get out. Some I'm like, "Oh, I really like how it is here," but then maybe I've overwa- over- overstayed my welcome. And it's not saying, like, y- you use people and mistreat them, but you just gotta find your space, find, find your tribe, and it's been a lot of trial and error for me. And there's, there's more rooms that I haven't even seen yet, but I think being authentic and successful means being curious enough to, to find that out, right? Being brave enough to know that, all right, I'm about to step into a com- to a community that I don't know. I don't know how they're gonna receive me. Am I gonna be too much? Am I gonna be not enough? Or what if I just show up and I'm me and everything's gonna be what it's gonna be?

Caroline Sangal 49:12

Oh,

Alex Dumas 49:16

He's obnoxious. Oh, this guy comes with weird games. What the... Like, he's unprofessional. Like, does he even, like, button his top button? Like, let's, let me get a load of this guy. He wears sunglasses indoors, like, weirdo." Or I, I can get in my head about that or just be, you know what? I, I, I'm satisfied with who I am. I'm happy with what I do, and I like being around the people that I do it with. I think that's authentic success right there

Caroline Sangal 49:43

Well, thank you so, so much, Alex, for telling more about your story, and for being a guest on Your Next Success. I can't wait to continue to celebrate you and see how you grow even more, even better, even more impactful audiences. I just really appreciate all the work that you're doing, so thank you

Alex Dumas 50:01

I appreciate you. Thank you for this platform and for your friends, your listeners out there. I have a, I have a gift for you, so you, Caroline will put that in the show notes. But it's been a pleasure and an honor

Caroline Sangal 50:12

Thank you, Alex. Appreciate you.

Alex Dumas 50:13

Appreciate you, buddy.

Speaker 50:15

Thanks for listening to Your Next Success with Dr. Caroline Sangal. Remember, authentic success is yours to define and includes aligning your career to support the life you want.